These last few weeks I have been feeling myself as a cog inside the machine of time. I don't think it has ever felt as strong as this, the sense of time moving on and the past letting go. I am still working with the Cailleach, myths of creation and the archetypes of the seasons. The Cailleach for me is the keeper of full circle, but she is also the breaking point when the tides turn or the new life has to break through. She loves Autumn. As a new moon born person, I think I am meant to hang out more than most inside this breaking point. Except it seems like this time around, I am learning how to do this and stay connected to the whole. And in doing this my body feels so strong and connected with this planet. I feel myself as a cog appreciating the machinations of a much wider system and the power of a force that is relentless, powerful and more true than anything I have ever known.
Autumn knows. Autumn, wise and releasing disturbs me with the magnitude of her heightened poignancy, grace and surrender. I have been noticing how my own process of letting go is far from graceful at times, and am learning to smile and understand the reasons why this might be so. I have been thinking on the wisdom of Autumn, her incredible trust and her apparent connection to something much bigger even though she has to let go. The question has come to me, why on earth haven't I ever properly seen the something much bigger is always there so truly before? Trust has come up so often in conversations recently. This year, on my journeys side by side with Autumn I have been coming closer to trust And what I have realised is that trust isn't a bungee jump off the cliffs of what we know best. Trust is a tiny step in the most enormous and timeless plan.
The last weeks have been spent working with people online, holding classes, helping people complete their courses and meanwhile approaching people and organisations to work with in the future. The fear of letting go of what I have known as being my identity over these last fifteen years as an educator and constellation practitioner has been matched by an intense desire to create from the timeless vat of the universe. I have to create. I have to let something come through me. It is time. I watch my terror points and then see myself putting out a wail and a prayer and to feel Autumn once again at my side. Autumn knows. She guides this process. The mysteries of the descent are everywhere. I want to stay in this crack in time and learn.
Two courses still run for now! One is 'Restoring Wholeness the Shaman's Craft' and it
opens its doors to turn around the wheel for us on a new 14 month course that merges the Artist and the Shaman. It is a big journey. It is a liberating practitioner training and it is guided by the force of this trust in something so strong and true. I have a course open for six people and the places are starting to be taken. Those who sign up before 22 October have £100 off the first payment. The course is insured by Balens as a visionary shamanic practitioner training.